The Walk

2009-03-23T17:22:00.000-07:00

cooked carrots are good...even with just a grind of pepper.

You've got yoga honey I've got beer You got overpriced And I got weird.” *

2009-03-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

I peered through the glass doors, from the candlelit room, attempting an unwonted position on my yoga mat, watching people running to nowhere on their treadmills with their aesthetically designed water bottles at close hand, as I tried to "find my center" and say goodbye to stress.
Unfortunately from my view, I could see the talking heads telling all of the financial crisis...no wonder these patrons of the Gym were running. I admit that, as of late, I have been quite Walden Pondish about the mess in our country. I much rather listen to the laughter of the children and the encore music of the Ice Cream truck rounding the corner. I much rather watch the excitement of children as they discover the Fire Station and the little blades of green grass in a sea of brown that I hope someday will all be green again.
Yoga is a bit of a challenge for me. Well, a lot of a challenge for me. I'm not one for sitting still as one of my friends laughs his head off at my new notion to go for a fish one day...He seems to think that I couldn't sit still long enough for my cork to hit the water. The most challenging part of the Yoga hour is at the end when you lay there and let everything go. I mean, for like an entire song. Whitney went to Yoga with me yesterday and I kept trying to get her attention during the "relaxing" part of the Yoga class. "Pssst...Whitney, will you go to the Gynecologist with me?" ...."Yes, Mom." "Psst...Whitney, what if they find something?" Okay, this is definately not the a topic of conversation you should be having in the relaxing stage...Well, you really aren't suppose to be talking at all... yet another challenge for me.
I don't know...its funny, we force ourselves to drink water, we run on machines and we take a class to do some funny poses to relax...I just think our ancestors would have a good laugh.

Headed to the Yoga class tonight...will let you know how it goes.

We live in a simplistic complex world...

*From "A Room Of Our Own" by Billy Joel

Like dark turning into day somehow, we'll come through now that I've found you, Love will find a way *

2009-02-02T20:05:00.000-08:00

Lots of our dreams came true and prayers were answered on December 20, 2009..Whitney and Jeremy were married.
Its been awhile since I've blogged...the sun is out...God never left and friends are good.
When I look at the journey, as I read all my old blogs, I do know that love Will find a way.

Sam tells his sister goodbye on what he calls the best day of his life. Now, isn't that precious.

*From "Love Will Find A Way" by Heather Hedley

I believe in a better way...*

2008-09-06T08:17:00.000-07:00

Things that make me excited and grateful...

Obama's speech. It made me cry. I grew up in Montgomery, Alabama and it just moved me to see this happening in our country. I feel his words and his presence was like salve on an old wound. No matter what your political orientation is you just have to take a moment to take all this in and feel good about it all.

Sam has a job with an awesome Christian man, building fences. He comes home sweaty every afternoon and just seems happier.

Whitney's cute little condo and her precious fiance and her precious heart.

Our new little puppy "Millie." She and Jett crawl up and sleep with Sam every night...pretty cute.

My new little class made up of 15 boys and 7 girls. I have one little boy, like last year, who is growing up with his Aunt because both parents are in prison. He is my little Bubba. In his precious little West Texas accent he says, "Well, give me a hug." or to a friend, "Here, let me help ya with that." He's a inspiration to me already. It seems he's made a choice and I just love him to pieces.

My new Swiffer Dust Vacuum. I love it. Is that wrong?

My best buddy gave me an amazing new bike for my birthday! I got a $50 bike from Walmart last year and it just sort of died..kinda worth the money I spent I guess. Getting this bike is right up there with my first tricycle and the 10 speed my brother surprised my sister and I with which he bought with the settlement he got from KFC because of the emphentigo. (long story haha) I was in 7th grade and it was really big and I basically had to wreck it to stop. But I was cool with my 10 speed and my faded jeans with the american flag sewed to them. (okay, I got way off the subject.)

And of course, my precious God who just keeps His hand on my head no matter where I run or what happens..I will never forget how He has comforted me.

*From "Better Way" by Ben Harper

Whenever I see your smiling face I have to smile myself Because I love you, yes I do*

2008-07-30T07:13:00.001-07:00

Whitney is home with a heart full of memories...I'm so proud of her because she knows how to love..and she took that to Africa..She is just one of my favorite people..

*From "Your Smiling Face" by James Taylor

Ooooo Thunder*

2008-07-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

I went to check on a friend of mines apartment while he is out of town. I can never flush his toilet right so it doesn't run, so i went to flush it in an intentional sort of way and as i hit the handle a loud clap of thunder exploded outside...i jumped and screamed...i thought i had blown the thing up...

just a little potty humor..

*From "Thunder" by Prince

Where would we be without hope...

2008-07-18T07:17:00.000-07:00

To Hope
John Keats

When by my solitary hearth I sit,
And hateful thoughts enwrap my soul in gloom;
When no fair dreams before my "mind's eye" flit,
And the bare heath of life presents no bloom;
Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

Whene'er I wander, at the fall of night,
Where woven boughs shut out the moon's bright ray,
Should sad Despondency my musings fright,
And frown, to drive fair Cheerfulness away,
Peep with the moonbeams through the leafy roof,
And keep that fiend Despondence far aloof!

Should Disappointment, parent of Despair,
Strive for her son to seize my careless heart;
When, like a cloud, he sits upon the air,
Preparing on his spell-bound prey to dart:
Chase him away, sweet Hope, with visage bright,
And fright him as the morning frightens night!

Whene'er the fate of those I hold most dear
Tells to my fearful breast a tale of sorrow,
O bright-eyed Hope, my morbidfancy cheer;
Let me awhile thy sweetest comforts borrow:
Thy heaven-born radiance around me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

Should e'er unhappy love my bosom pain,
From cruel parents, or relentless fair;
O let me think it is not quite in vain
To sigh out sonnets to the midnight air!
Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

In the long vista of the years to roll,
Let me not see our country's honour fade:
O let me see our land retain her soul,
Her pride, her freedom; and not freedom's shade.
From thy bright eyes unusual brightness shed
Beneath thy pinions canopy my head!

Let me not see the patriot's high bequest,
Great Liberty! how great in plain attire!
With the base purple of a court oppress'd,
Bowing her head, and ready to expire:
But let me see thee stoop from heaven on wings
That fill the skies with silver glitterings!

And as, in sparkling majesty, a star
Gilds the bright summit of some gloomy cloud;
Brightening the half veil'd face of heaven afar:
So, when dark thoughts my boding spirit shroud,
Sweet Hope, celestial influence round me shed,
Waving thy silver pinions o'er my head!

I just love this and I'm really liking Rufus Wainwright

2008-07-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

happy birthday Whitney...

2008-06-18T15:14:00.000-07:00

Whitney is 22 today and Jeremy and I actually got to talk to her! We both cried when we heard each other's voices. She is in a little remote village in Zambia. She was excited to tell me she was riding in a truck with some Zambians and one of the missionaries. He stopped the truck and jumped in the river with crocodiles up stream. Whit said she just jumped in right after him with her long skirt and all.
She said, "Mom, they all sing and these precious little faces, covered with flies, just plop down in my lap. It's so real."

My heart is somewhere in Zambia today...

Take every chance you dare, I'll still be there when you come back down*

2008-06-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

Well I know a doctor, a fine young physician
Left his six-figure job for a mission position
He's healing the sick in an African clinic
He works in the dirt and writes home to the cynics
He says "We work through the night so most every day
As we watch the sun rise we can say

Seize the day, seize whatever you can 'Cause life slips away just like hourglass sand Seize the day, pray for grace from God's hand Then nothing will stand in your way Seize the day ~Carolyn Arends "Seize The Day"

This will be Whitney's home for the next five weeks. I take Whitney and Megan to the airport tomorrow and send my baby around the world once again. My heart is just so proud that she wants to go but I'm also having a bit of an emotional day...She and Megan will land in Johannesburg and have to spend the night. They then fly in where the Missionaries will make a 8 hour truck ride to pick them up. I won't know of their safe journey for a few days and I ask that you will pray for my baby girl. I ask that you pray for me , not to worry, and for their safe journey and well, whatever else you can think of..

*From "When You Come Back Down" by Nickel Creek

Oh all that I know is nothing to run from Cause yeah everybody here got's somebody to lean on*

2008-05-27T16:24:00.000-07:00

My little class had graduation ceremony today...where did the time go and how do I say goodbye? When each one came up for their diploma I asked their classmates to say something about that student. My favorite was Mia saying, "When Houston is 21 we will miss him." Many of the parents took their kids for a special day. The remnant numbered ten and we decided we could saunter down the halls holding hands since there were not that many of us. You haven't lived until you have kids beg to sleep by your desk. All my kids have different jobs everyday and I had to create a job as my hand holder because they all wanted to hold my hand. Andrew walks up to me today, holds his hand out and says, "I'm the hand holder today." We all have slipped under a warm blanket of love and safety together and its hard to let it go. Funny thing...last year I wondered how I could ever love a class like that one but alas, here I am. So I ask for your prayers as we let each others hands go and say goodbye.

*From "Beautiful World" by Coldplay

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference~Robert Frost~

2008-04-17T16:47:00.000-07:00

There's so much left to know, and I'm on the road to find out.~Cat Stevens!~

Yesterday I took my kids on a field trip. Its actually a bug hunt field trip we take with two other classes. Although it seems a little crazy for me to lead a hunt for things im terrified of, i take them anyway. We go behind State School, back in the woods, where there is this really cool playground and lots of paths and roads out through the woods. We played on the playground then ate our sack lunches. It was time to head down the road to look for bugs. We all held hands and went on a great hike. It was a beautiful day except the wind was crazy so much so that i had to give out special instructions on how to pull there food out of there sack lunches quickly and place it on top of their sacks so as not to litter this place with our bags. So we are headed down the road. Iwatch my precious students holding each other's hands, laughing and talking. I tried to get them just to enjoy the hike and forget about trying to find bugs, but we would make a stop and turn over a log or a rock here and there. We had gone a ways and we came to a fork in the road. I stood before them taking the opportunity to tell them that they will come to places like this in their lives. They all listened as my assistant tried to squelch her laughter. We all made a choice as to which way we would go and went on enjoying our hike together. One of the boys said he saw a bear which made some of them want to go home. I watched in awe as some of my little sweet behavioral problems were leading the way for us and just couldn't wipe the smile off their faces. A good day was had by all.
On our way home we passed the jail and saw many orange suited men mowing and cleaning. I said, "Boys and girls, if you make good choices in life you won't have to wear orange suits." the bus driver got a good laugh out of it.

In six weeks my class will graduate and i will tell them goodbye and i can hardly bear to think about it. I was reminded how i felt the same way last year with my class and wondered how i could ever love another class...and yet here i am again.

When the day is done God bless our love*

2008-04-14T16:20:00.001-07:00

Gas for Dallas: $60

Lunch at Pei Wei's $40

Ice Cream at Marble Slab: $3.50

Buying Whitney's dream Wedding Dress: Priceless

*From "Grow Old With Me" by John Lennon

He said "Sometimes you just gotta talk to people to let em know that they still exist"*

2008-04-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

I never sat at a bar and ate until Friday night. It was weird being surrounded by all those people and no one talking to each other. It was like I had invited them all to my house for supper but we weren't speaking. I turned to the guy beside me and shared this with him. He thought it was funny. I asked him how his food was and he said,"good." I asked him if he went to McMurry(he had a Mc. hat on) and he said he was going to a junior college right now. He said he was undecided on what he was going to study, but it was a toss up between Agribusiness or Philosophy. I laughed and he said, "Well, you gotta have something to think about when you're on that horse." Amber, the bartender, put lots of limes in my drink because I said I loved them. She was sweet. Have you had any weird experiences eating at a bar? I ended up uncomfortable at first but thought later that I just might do it again. It starts out like a ride in an elevator and ends up leaving you with some kind of a kindred spirit to those drinking and eating burgers with you.

*From "Talking to Strangers" by Ryan Harvey

"You heavens above, rain down righteousness; let the clouds shower it down. Isaiah 45:8

2008-03-31T15:10:00.000-07:00

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
From "Gratitude" by Nichole Nordeman

I have a few flowers. I have just really been excited that I have kept them alive these last few months. As my surgery approached and post surgery I didn't do so great keeping up with them. I panicked when I saw how pathetic they looked and watered them. When they only seemed to droop lower it just bummed me out. I looked outside, a couple of days after this great rainstorm blew through town and God just rained down on everything, and I noticed that my flowers were looking beautiful. I was amazed as I sat outside and thought about how there's just nothing like God raining down on you. This is my favorite time of year when the new leaves are bright green and the grass is changing from brown to green. Its a time of rebirth, of new beginnings and its quite hopeful.

Thank you God for the rain.

And she says beautiful Jesus make me look like you *

2008-03-26T14:52:00.001-07:00

I was standing at the doorway of my classroom when a line of students walked by. They were all girded up in their bus safety harnesses and headed for home. One little girl stopped, as I was waving to them, and said to me, "You look like Jesus." I leaned down to look in her precious little eyes and told her, "I'm working on it." Today a little boy stood poised at the water fountain watching me walk down the hall. He is 4 or 5 with a long braid of hair down his back and has been my friend ever since I heard that a substitute told him he looked like a girl.So Alfonzo is my friend now and stood there beaming, lifting up his necklace to show me...it was a fish with Jesus' name engraved on it. I got so excited and was able to tell my friend Alfonzo about how much I love this man Jesus. This moment in time made me realize that I am in fact, exactly where I need to be and maybe a bit less important ,exactly where I want to be. Thank you to the little precious hearts who walk the halls of a school, in the middle of a neighborhood, where some would fear to tread. Thank you for keeping me on track. I am not there, but I seek to look like my savior.

*From "Beautiful Jesus" by Sara Beth Geoghegan

I just really like this song...Everglow by Mae

2008-03-25T18:47:00.000-07:00

I hope you are all having a wonderful evening...

I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks. ~William Shakespeare

2008-03-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

And through all our tribulations
We reach out for each other*

I have never met Melanie except through her words and comments on this blog and our new found friendship via email. I had knee surgery on Monday and was so surprised to get a bouquet of snacks for every taste from my friend Melanie. So Melanie, this is a shout out of thanks to you for such a sweet deed. You are amazing and precious.

and Kate, your hamburgers were the best I ever had...I love you and cherish your friendship.

*From "Ain't That The Way" by Carole King

don't give up 'cos you have friends*

2008-03-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

It was Calendar Time in my classroom. We were all gathered together watching the Calendar helpers navigate us through what month and what day it was. I held in my hand a bundle of numbered day cards to be placed in the little plastic pocket of our Calendar chart. These numbered days were out of order and I told my students that we must find the number 5 in this stack of cards. It seemed like an exhausting venture and I communicated my feelings to my students. We began the search and after a few cards a chant, started by Mya, quietly took shape on that carpet floor. As I flipped the cards my little sweet students cheered me on with a loud chant, "Don't give up" Although I knew I had laid on my suffering a little thick, I was pleased and empowered by these little voices. A scream echoed down our school's hall when I finally came upon the number 5. We all cheered and Mya said, "Let's applaud for Ms. Mann, guys!" I sat there not being able to wipe the smile off my face feeling a bit over appreciated for such a small task but to my friends, my little friends, it didn't matter. At that moment I knew that my room was a treasure box filled with precious jewels, some a little rough around the edges but precious.

*From "Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel

Now the distance leads me farther on, though the reasons I once had are gone*

2008-03-05T14:40:00.000-08:00

The man behind the counter, at the Muffler place, was entering my information in his computer..he asked, "Do you have a spousal unit?" "No, I don't" I stammered out, then someone hit the pause button and we both looked at each other...my feelings,a bit embarrassed, but his face showed compassion....push play..."Well, do you have an address?",he continued...I smiled, "Now that, I do have."

There are moments where reality hits you and those moments can happen in the most unexpected places. Going to a new Doctor entails the filling out of the forms...pages and pages. ...questions you can't answer and some you can....its the first time I have checked the Divorced box and it caused some emotions to surface; some which I thought I had been able to file away. I have heard talk about grieving as a time period where you can be somewhere, not expecting it, then boom, you are slammed in the face with the remembrance of loss. I will never get use to checking that box because never did I believe I would have to.

I must say that I wouldn't take anything for what I have learned on this path though at times it seemed relentless...I am making it to the other side. Thanks to all who have hung in with me and showed me what true washing of feet can be..

*From "Farther On" by Jackson Browne

Walk, walk, walk...to the water Walk with me yeah*

2008-02-22T16:28:00.000-08:00

So...what are your views on House Churches?...just wondering

*From "Walk To The Water" by U2

Dear Da, did you know something? We're moving again.

2008-02-14T15:48:00.000-08:00

Whitney told me about a movie that I must see. I watched it with a friend and loved it. It was a beautiful powerful movie. Go rent it. The name of it is Dear Frankie and it's right up there with Garden State and Gilbert Grape for me. It's one of those movies that leaves you sitting on your couch long after the DVD player has been turned off. This movie is set in Scotland and the accents are a bit thick but you'll get the hang of it after awhile. I loved the music in the movie..kind of Indie Scottish music.

Other movies that have been pretty powerful lately...Micheal Clayton was good but I need to see it again. No Country For Old Men is a movie I could never watch again and really closed my eyes a few times when I saw it but its powerful. Someone said to me that its Ecclesiastes in movie form. I think he's right. Good acting and powerful scenes. Let me warn you that it is way violent. That Javier dude deserves his Oscar nomination. I loved Into the Wild. Very cool what he concluded in the end and Hal Holbrook is up for best supporting and is precious in it.

Oh and I loved P.S. I Love You...thanks Mel...

go obama...

the sun also rises

2008-02-02T13:00:00.001-08:00

The sun is out and its beautiful outside. I find myself though longing for a spring thunderstorm crashing outside.

I did spinning class this week and I am going to attempt to run tonight. My doctor says I can exercise as long as I can stand it.

Most classes walk down the hall with their little hands behind their backs in ducktale fashion but every once in awhile my class screams out, "Teacher, let's be a choo choo train." Being a choo choo train involves everyone holding hands connected together like cars on a train. I of course am the lead engineer. Such joy on their faces as we make our way to the playground with all our hands touching from the compliant child, to the sad child, to the troubled child...their faces seem to scream out, "We are all in this together." I can't stand the thought of only 4 more months with my littles loves at Woodson.

I am headed out to sit and watch my baby try on Wedding Dresses...I hope I don't totally embarrass her by tearing up the whole time. She's headed to Africa this summer. She and a friend will be in a little village in Zambia. I got a call from her this week telling me that the grocery store, 45 miles away, burned down so it looked like they would have to kill for meat this summer. I was speechless...she said, "It's okay Mom, we can hire people to hunt for us." This girl never ceases to amaze me and I can't imagine what she will bring back from this experience.

Teach your children well, Their father's hell did slowly go by*

2008-01-28T20:11:00.001-08:00

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

We sat around the half circle table as the children worked on their pictures. The assignment was to draw what you want to be when you grow up. I looked at their faces as they told me in all their excitement what they wanted to be. Some of my kids go home to some rough places where the attention is not only not on them but much of their dreams are generated by their own little hearts. So my heart was just warmed by their answers.

"I want to be a policeman."

"I want to be a fireman." said Danielle. "You can't be a fireman, you are a girl!" said one of the boys. Danielle was quick to ask the Firefighter who visited my room if girls could be Firefighters. He said, "Yes, we have one at our station." Danielle beamed.

"I want to be a Farmer and a Fireman."

"I want to work at Tige' boats."

"I want to be a Doctor."

"I want to make Robots."

"I want to be a Teacher."

We all had so much fun dreaming and I prayed that along the way there would be those who would foster these dreams and show them the possibilities.

Then one of my boys, whose Dad is in Jail,was drawing and looked at me and said, "I am going to be in Jail for a little while." I looked at him and said, "No, you don't have to go and be in Jail for a little while." We looked at each other for a long time and then he said, "Okay, I'll be a Doctor."

*From "Teach Your Children" by Crosby, Stills and Nash

Now the distance leads me farther on, thougsons I once had are gone*h the rea

2008-01-26T11:43:00.000-08:00

Doctor, doctor, give me the news....*

2008-01-24T14:53:00.000-08:00

"You have two tears in your Meniscus."...blank stare...wondering whether I want to know what a Meniscus is. After sitting in a room filled with people dependent on their walking paraphernalia to get them to the magazine rack I am left not feeling too optimistic like. "No, we'll just go in and clean it out." The "going in" has me a bit troubled since I'm still left wondering what my Meniscus is. The Doctor senses my uncomfortability and begins an explanation that wants for some visual aids. But I finally get it, and its all good. So when everyone flies off to the mountains to ski or heads to South Padre for Spring Break I will be getting my Meniscus cleaned out. Oh yeah and the great insurance I have with the school system will need a $600 deductible....ouch..that hurts..my walleticus!

*From "Bad Case of Loving You" by Robert Palmer

2008-01-11T13:44:00.000-08:00

My knee hurts. I have always felt a bit invincible. I can run, I can bicycle and I had been doing a weight training class and Yoga but...I did something to my knee along the way and the brace and the rest is not making it go away. I made a Doctor's appointment. Its on Tuesday and I just may keep it. (the appointment that is) I don't get sick and don't do doctors which I know is stupid. Sam thinks its really funny because I may get an MRI and I am very....claustrophobic. Sam has been through a couple of MRIs and bone scans and he described it to me. Maybe the Doctor has some medication which would alleviate the mass phobias that preside in my psyche and the mere remembrances of the enclosed tomblike experience. I found out that psyche is really a word and can pertain to the conception of myself or a Canadian Dark synthpop band.

So, all that to tell you about what happened today.....

All my students were busy working in their Centers when I stepped on a lego and my leg twisted and well, my knee of course too. The pain was unbearable and I was surprised by my tears. My Assistant was out of the room. I sat down in the rocking chair and tried to stop crying. I looked around and noticed that all my students had stopped what they were doing. Many of them gathered around me and some just peeked around watching me with awe...kinda like..oh Ms. Mann cries too. The crowd around me were the ones who were most concerned. One little girl was wiping away tears and the others looked at me with the most sophisticated compassionate faces a little 4 year old could put on. Then my sweet little Antonio, who is one of my behavioral challenges of the class whose Father is now in jail, looked at me then looked around at those gathered around and said, "We need to pray for her." Another little girl chimed in, "Yeah, we need to pray." Let me tell you the tears poured even more. I was sitting smack dab in a holy moment. I looked at Antonio and told him I would never forget that moment for the rest of my life.

I vow that it's goodbye and God bless*

2007-10-23T18:41:00.000-07:00

I love you all...I'm outta here...

*From "Goodbye" by The Sundays

It takes a crane to build a crane It takes two floors to make a story It takes an egg to make a hen It takes a hen to make an egg *

2007-10-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

Favorite moments in my week...

walking in Sam's room and him patting the seat beside him for me to sit down to watch Friday Night Lights with him..

eating paninis at the bar and talking with Whitney and well, just watching her move through life...she's something..

my buddy Dora coming over to watch Grey's with me but realizing we forgot to turn the tv on..good talks..

watching The Station Agent with my best friend..this movie is a powerful sweet movie..I loved it!!

playing basketball with my students and loving that every time they make a basket they run to jump in my arms..i started this little tradition when they weren't making very many baskets and now they're getting good and I'm getting a little sore..

dancing the Tango with my boys on the playground..

hearing my kids saying "goodnight teacher" as I put them all down for rest time..

Miguel finally being alright with the notion that he can't be leader every day..

when someone accomplishes something in my class we clap for them..."Hey guys stop what your doing, Stephanie just made and 'S' on the sign-in sheet"...then they all clap for Stephanie..."Hey guys, Miguel stayed on his mat during rest time"..the crowd goes wild

playground fights and learning to talk things over...its lemonade just to see two kids work something out. "He hit me" "well, he pushed me" .."Guys, you can never hit no matter what someone has done to you..now, do you have something to say to each other?"..then one says "I'm sorry" (I don't tell them to say 'sorry' because they end up just throwing out this half felt sorry and it just becomes a habit. Instead, I just ask them if they have something to say to each other.) then they hug..seriously, they hug each other..

cool fall mornings..

*From "Life Is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz

Mr. politician could be perfect but people its doubtful.*

2007-10-18T14:15:00.000-07:00

sooo......who do you think the Democratic candidate and the Republican candidate will be?

I had no problem in the voting booth two presidential elections ago but the last presidential election I spent a long time in the voting booth and now I feel like I've been had.

Two of my students have Dads in Iraq. One of the girls draws pictures of people being shot with a bright red marker. My Assistant just sent her son off to Iraq.

I will take the charge of being, in the past, a bit apathetic politically, but not anymore. I care about this next election.

thoughts?

*From "Politician" By Grand Funk Railroad

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see*

2007-10-13T12:38:00.000-07:00

My favorite song from the Beatles...the best.

And if the night runs over and if the day won't last and if your way should falter along this stony pass its just a moment this time will pass*

2007-10-09T15:12:00.000-07:00

Words...what have been the words that have been the most comfort at a time when hope was a far away place?

My most cherished have been no words, just arms and hands and patience as they sat with me through the moment...

How about you?

*From "Stuck In a Moment" by U2

If God had a face what would it look like*

2007-10-04T14:38:00.000-07:00

Update on the boy in my class who I have blogged about just recently. I'll just call him Joe. So Joe had spent the entire morning yelling at his peers and telling me, something he has just recently learned to express, "I'm angry." Now, its great that Joe can express this feeling now but not following through with that feeling by pushing his classmates down or yelling in their face would be really nice. I know..baby steps. Anyway, he has by lunch completely isolated himself emotionally from his class. I sit down beside him and then he points to the little down syndrome girl behind me from another class and says, "She's my best friend." My heart skips a beat and I can't keep from smiling and giving him a hug as the little girl smiles back at him. It was just precious.

*From "What If God Was One Of Us" by Joan Osborne

This photo is a random photo, not one of either of the kids I wrote about.

It's been a month since he saw her face *

2007-10-02T18:05:00.001-07:00

his phone works..its been over a month since he's talked to his kids...i don't get this..

sorry guys, just sitting here at this computer thinking about some sad stuff.

*From "Father's Son" by 3 Doors Down

What the world needs now is love sweet love no not just for some but for everyone*

2007-09-26T14:53:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted. The end of my day begins with my falling down on my couch with a very heavy sigh. There is a boy in my class that the counselor at school tells me has to be in the top 5 of the most defiant and control freaks she has known. My days are spent directing him and redirecting him with him screaming "I don't want to!" or "I hate this!" I must confess my thoughts at the beginning of school were that maybe he will drop out or move away that is until I heard his story. Both his parents are in prison and his grandmother is raising him. After I heard that I begged God to forgive my previous thoughts of him maybe getting some extreme prolonged case of chicken pox and proceeded to buckle my seat belt and realize that this boy just may be in my room for a reason and I may be the one responsible to show this boy some alternatives to hate and anger.

Today I sat on the floor beside his mat and rubbed his chest as he fought sleep. I whispered to him to sleep that he must be exhausted. Then I began to pray for him. I just whispered my prayer and he looked in my eyes and watched me. I looked out over the room of sleeping little bodies on their mats and then felt his hand slip into mine. I felt warm and knew this was a holy moment.

I ask you to pray for me ..that God will give me courage and strength and for me not to forget to find the joy in the moments that arise in my room with him. I ask that you pray for this boy. I can't say his name for confidentiality reasons but I bet ya God will know exactly who you are talking about.

I love you all and pray that we all can love each other as He wants and asks of us..

*From "What The World Needs Now" by Jackie DeShannon

Scott makes me laugh

2007-09-24T17:47:00.001-07:00

2007-09-24T14:34:00.001-07:00

"Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater."
Tom Booker

I just recently watched The Horse Whisperer again. Its such a powerful movie about suffering and pride and healing. I love it. If you haven't seen it...do...

You know I cant stand still*

2007-09-19T21:06:00.000-07:00

The highlight of Open House in my school room on Tuesday night was one of my students yelling out to a crowded room of parents, "I have an AC/DC t-shirt on!"

From "Can't Stand Still" by AC/DC

2007-09-17T21:28:00.000-07:00

Look what Blondie surprised me with for my birthday...thanks girl a change was due..love ya!

The truth of it is there's a right way to live and you showed me*

2007-09-16T15:41:00.000-07:00

If you are in Abilene this week go hear Landon Saunders on Monday night..he is a man who taught me a lot about God. He has such a gift of speaking to you personally when you are in a crowd of 1000.

When I went on a campaign to the Northeast one of my contacts was a communist revolutionary from Venezuela. Landon was preaching at our Searcher's Seminar nightly at an Elementary school. Maria wanted to meet him because she told me in her broken English that he has a peace that she wants to know about. I went over to Landon and asked if he could come meet Maria. He came over and as they talked, Maria said, "Beverly, tell him of my beliefs." I explained to Landon in my southern Alabama accent, "Well Landon, Maria is a communist revolutionary." He began to explain to her in such a beautiful brilliant way what Christianity has in common with communism. He knew where to meet her and was not afraid to go there. I just sat there amazed. I got to stand beside the baptistery as Maria was baptized and I'll never forget the moment she came out of there like a wet rat with a new spirit..pretty amazing stuff for a 19 year old to witness.

*From "Stand Here With Me" by Creed

You've got the cool water when the fever runs high*

2007-09-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

a cold front has blown through and its just simply wonderful outside..
seasons change..ever so slightly in west texas but they do change...and so do i.

have a peaceful tuesday my good friends..

*From " Something So Right" by Paul Simon

And I think to myself what a wonderful world*

2007-09-07T16:11:00.000-07:00

sitting at the playground, with my students, watching them playing in the sand..actually keeping an eye on Antonio who flipped me off the first week and is ready to rumble with anyone, but alas he is stealing my heart..anyway, Anna comes up to me and shows me a small little pebble looking thing in her hand.."What's that?" i ask, and she says.."It's a dinosaur tooth." ....Lord help me to make small things in my life into big beautiful experiences..

*From "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong

Cause life continues right or wrong when I play this birthday song I learned from you *

2007-09-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday and Whitney left me this birthday card on the kitchen counter. I loved it. Sam even wrote inside! My Whitney is a sweetheart and she made my birthday so special. I told Sam and Whitney that all I wanted was a picture of me with them for my birthday but it never panned out so Whit drew me one instead. I was walking down the hall with my students today when Whitney walked up and told me Beth (my most amazing friend) and she had left cupcakes and drinks for my class and me for my birthday..I loved it!!
I feel special, so special.

*From "Birthday Song" by Don McLean

Random thoughts on a Monday...

2007-09-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

Ive been lately thinking about my life's time*

Whitney has been reading Maggie, Girl of the Streets by Stephen Crane.
Stephen Crane wrote The Red Badge of Courage when he was 24...24 years old!

Go see the trailer for Wes Anderson's new movie The Darjeeling Limited...I can't wait!! Wes Anderson directed Bottle Rocket which is on my top 10 list.

Wednesday is my birthday.

The last 2 months I have for the first time: used a drill , learned what a rip cut is, laid tile, put down laminate floor, in the process of learning how to replace a light fixture, gone to Lowe's like 3 times a week and (drum roll) bought and used my own saw.

I'm grateful for a lot of things: sleeping in today (not slept-in for years seems), Whitney and Sam, my sweet Jesus who has held my hand and hasn't let go, the smell of a new room, my class, good friends who call me even when I don't call them or pick up, my little park pond and that white pelican Fred oh and turkey and pepper jack panninis.

Have a great week everyone...got any random thoughts today or things or people you are especially thankful for?...discuss

*From "Poems, Prayers and Promises" by John Denver

Your love is better than ice cream better than anything else that I’ve tried And your love is better than ice cream everyone here know how to fight*

2007-08-30T17:53:00.000-07:00

sooo...one of my best friends in the world and I were having a somewhat heated discussion and my friend in the middle of it all said, "You know what's wrong with this, (I look puzzled) we are trying to do this without ice cream." We both looked at each other and smiled, went down to McDonald's and got what had to be the tastiest vanilla ice cream cone I had eaten in a while. Things melted and we were back into talking about good things and just things and heart matters and it was great. I thought about what a good friend I had and then I thought about who I would like to send some ice cream to...maybe some world leaders...who would you think would benefit from some ice cream?

*From "Ice Cream" by Sarah McLachlan

And well keep on fighting - till the end *

2007-08-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

Its been kind of a yucky week but here's something crazy...this song came on as I sat down after painting and I just felt well, inspired, as a friend of mine said. I think Queen was a brilliant band and this song as hokey as some may think just would make me close my eyes and shake my head yes..we are the champions and we'll keep on fighting till the end. And with a little head banging I end up smiling at the end...

Ive paid my dues -
Time after time -
Ive done my sentence
But committed no crime -
And bad mistakes
Ive made a few
Ive had my share of sand kicked in my face -
But Ive come through

We are the champions - my friends
And well keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
cause we are the champions - of the world -

Ive taken my bows
And my curtain calls -
You brought me fame and fortuen and everything that goes with it -
I thank you all -

But its been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise -
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
And I aint gonna lose -

We are the champions - my friends
And well keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
cause we are the champions - of the world -

*From "We Are The Champions" by Queen

All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside, It's hard, but its harder to ignore it...*

2007-08-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

when do fathers forget that their children were once babies...how can they look in their eyes and not want all of them...im sad for those fathers who miss this and im especially sad for the children who are abandoned by their fathers and left to wonder why...

just a little sad tonight for my babies..

*From " Father and Son" by Cat Stevens

when i looked around, the world couldn't be found, just me by the sea*

2007-08-14T17:07:00.001-07:00

High points at Padre Island:

*Being with my amazing daughter and my precious niece

*turkey pannini from Jason's Deli

*communion on the beach with my girls

*sitting in folding chairs, in the water, as the waves come in

*driving on the beach...couldn't believe that one...you just park like 20 feet from the water..so cool..

*watching a very patient father teach his little boy how to surf....mindful of my Father who gently helps me back on the board when I keep falling off..

*long walk to the pier and chance meetings with families, children and dogs...lots of smiles

*being enveloped by warm blue green water

*slight chill from sun kissed skin while eating a yummy hamburger at Chilis

I love the ocean..shh..don't tell but its like the place where I think God most likes to hang out.

*From "The Ocean" by U2

Thank you to a God who does not leave me...no matter what..

2007-08-08T13:15:00.000-07:00

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you .....~Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser

2007-08-06T14:01:00.000-07:00

For Kathy Hilton, the toughest part about daughter's Paris Hilton's being in jail and on the other side of the glass partition that separated them during visits – was "seeing the rashes on her arms and face from the thin sheets."

ummm...okay...wow really?

May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift*

2007-08-03T08:23:00.000-07:00

Sam gets on a wakeboard for the first time.

The McCloud family have taken Sam in and made him feel so welcome in their home and at their lake house and let me tell you it just does my heart good. I love these people. I have prayed for families who would surround him especially fathers and they have been an answer to my prayers. Anyone who puts their arms around my kids right now well, I am their biggest fan.

Sam has been gone all week at camp in the mountains of New Mexico Jett (the dog) and I have missed him greatly. Noone knows what this boy has seen and heard and experienced this last year although some have heard some of the stories but I have to tell you that I admire him and I love to see this smile.

*From "Forever Young" by Bob Dylan

Push me off to start the fun on a bike ride to the moon.*

2007-08-01T09:18:00.000-07:00

I was riding Louise (my bike) around Nelson Park last week and encountered the sweetest scene in fact I felt like I was intruding on this milestone moment that should only be shared with this small family.

Listening to my tunes and making my last lap of my 8 mile ride I see this precious little family has overtaken the path. The Mom is pushing the stroller and the Dad has his hand firmly on the back of the seat of the cutest little boy who is embarking on the adventure of a lifetime: learning to ride a bike. At the same time I was going around, the Father, let go of the seat and the little boy and I ended up on the same path. I was behind him encouraging him, "Go, go, go." I rode past him and left them as not to intrude any longer. When I came back around he had ridden by himself leaving his little family behind. I think he heard me coming because he stopped and looked around at me with a big smile and I held up my hand and he gave me five as I passed. So much said in the exchanged smiles, nods and high fives. He knew I was proud of him and he was proud of himself.

*From "Bike Ride to The Moon" by Xtc

The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades*

2007-07-30T07:38:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited...I hung blinds with a drill and everything! Pretty soon I'm getting me a toolbelt.

*From "The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades" by Timbuk3

Love has no pride*

2007-07-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

pride is like a dam holding back floods of missed opportunities..

trusting makes idiots smart..

I don't want to miss any opportunities and hey, I'm willing to be an idiot knowing the alternative brings about a shallow existence..

When I went rappelling I found the most terrifying moment to be leaning back a bit over the cliff and letting go..then, I was hooked!

*From "Love Has No Pride" Linda Ronstadt

Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing.*

2007-07-24T08:32:00.000-07:00

Ingredients for a Day of Emancipation

Hammer and crowbar

screwdriver

utility knife

duct tape

friend

sweat and tears

stamina

hope

cutting into the old carpet

ripping it up

I find dirt and grit

I sweep and vacuum

through tears I find a

nice clean foundation underneath it all

It was there all the time

wiping my tears away

I smile

*From "Independence Day" by Martina McBride

I didn't want to runaway but I had to get away yo*

2007-07-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

When I was in 2nd grade I wanted to run away. We lived in Tallahassee, Florida. The back of my house was a wooded area with great sink holes scattered through it. (If you are from Florida you know of the sink holes where the ground has just collapsed like a fallen cake and looks like a great volcano crater. They were really cool to ride up and down on your bicycles.) I told my sister of my plans to run away and she was just tickled to be of any assistance. Tarzan was my favorite show. I loved Jane, boy and of course Cheetah and thought, since I would be traveling through a wooded area, I would most likely run into Tarzan and his little family so I opened my suitcase and packed only underwear because well when you hang with Tarzan how much clothes do you really need? My sister filled a great big jar of water and suggested she might just walk me half way there. I looked at my house one last time and me with my suitcase and Sharon with my water set out on our journey through the woods. Now there was a sink hole gang back in those woods. This gang was made up of boys that made Huck Finn look like Shirley Temple. During our travels, as luck would have it, we came up on the Sink Hole Gang and they began to taunt us. They asked me what I was doing and I tried to explain in my little southern 2nd grade voice and then it happened. The leader of the gang looked down at my suitcase and I just remember thinking, "Oh no, please don't open my suitcase" because somehow Tarzan and Jane seeing my underwear seemed alot less embarrassing than this gang of bullies. And so it happened..he grabbed my suitcase and threw it down to the depths of the sink hole. (It seemed like a great Abyss but it was just about 20 feet deep.) My suitcase flew open and flying through the air like wounded birds were all my underwear. Sharon and I ran all the way home and by this time I guess Mamma had found my good bye note and took Sharon in a room and spanked her. I kinda felt bad that Sharon got a spanking and I didn't. I never got to experience life on my own or life with Tarzan and his family but I did get a glimpse of truth that running away generally never solves things it usually generates more obstacles along the way.

*From "Runaway" by Wyclef Jean

To tell the ones who hear no sound Whose sons are living in the ground Peace on Earth*

2007-07-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

I was watching the ESPY awards with Sam last night and was moved by this story of two men, from opposite sides of the war, bringing all the children together to play basketball. The story brought all the athletes to their feet when these two champions stepped onto the stage to recieve the Arthur Ashe humanitarian award.

Rugby player Trevor Ringland, a Protestant and Dave Cullen, described as a Catholic who "grew up using basketball to escape from the realities of war" teamed up to create PeacePlayers to bring both sides together on the basketball court.

*From "Peace On Earth" by U2

When someone prays for courage, do you think God gives them courage, or does he give them a moment to be courageous?

2007-07-11T05:44:00.000-07:00

Go see this movie...I loved it. Its super clean and has some inspirational moments.

I Want a New Drug*

2007-07-10T07:55:00.000-07:00

"An anti-addiction pill"....true story..a pill yahoo news tells about that helps with drinking, smoking and gambling addictions.

I don't know..just struck me a bit ironic...

*From "I Want a New Drug" by Huey Lewis and the News

Whenever I see your smiling face I have to smile myself*

2007-07-08T11:13:00.001-07:00

Whitney at my niece's graduation.

Wonderful times with my girl this weekend:

-watching the Rangers beat Baltimore while eating our hot dogs

-me and Corey laughing our guts out because Whitney is excited to tell us what La Quinta means

-midnight breakfast at IHOP

-lying on a pier, on our new Texas Rangers blankets we got for free, at a pretty little pond talking about life

-just watching her move and smile and laugh

There's a lot I don't know but there's one thing I do know and that is she is one of the greatest people I have ever met and I am blessed to have her in my life.

Thanks for a wonderful weekend Whit..I love you.

*From "Your Smiling Face" by James Taylor

What if God was one of us?*

2007-07-06T07:05:00.001-07:00

“When the earthquake hits, or the tsunami inundates, or the twin towers ignite, you can see and hear the secret satisfaction of the faithful. Gleefully they strike up: ‘You see, this is what happens when you don’t listen to us!’ With an unctuous smile they offer a redemption that is not theirs to bestow and, when questioned, put on a menacing scowl that says, ‘Oh, so you reject our offer of paradise? Well, in that case we have quite another fate in store for you.’” from god is not Great

I was reading a review for a book titled god is not GREAT and found this quote. It makes my heart sad for those who have learned of God from the words of ignorant narrow minded christians. Of course, this christian seems to be the one they choose to speak the mind of Christians everywhere on Larry King. ugh...

I've seen Jesus work in my life this year through one who many would think the most unlikely candidates and I am thankful for them. We are all the same and yet we have separated ourselves from the world, the very world where Jesus walked and ate with those we would talk about.God have mercy on us when we have every religious book and can quote scripture but miss the very one who Jesus would want us to see.

Matthew 23:5,13
5 “Everything they do is for show. On their arms they wear extra wide prayer boxes with Scripture verses inside, and they wear robes with extra long tassels. 6 And they love to sit at the head table at banquets and in the seats of honor in the synagogues. 7 They love to receive respectful greetings as they walk in the marketplaces, and to be called ‘Rabbi.’
13 “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you shut the door of the Kingdom of Heaven in people’s faces. You won’t go in yourselves, and you don’t let others enter either.

Matthew 5:1-1o

1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying:
3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

*From "What if God Was One of Us" by Joan Osborne

Drench yourself in the words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten

2007-07-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

My buddy Jeremy posted this song and it is one of my favorites..enjoy..

how still my heart, how high the moon*

2007-07-02T07:45:00.000-07:00

"Come here Mom!"

I was thinking back over this last year. I was thinking of the glimmers of light in the darkness just like the twinkling stars and the bright moon in the dark night sky. These were to me my little miracles.
One came to mind that made me smile.One night I was on the phone with a friend crying and wondering how I was going to make it through another day. I was overwhelmed by everything at that moment when Sam came into the room and I quickly got myself together wiping my tears away. Sam said, "Mom, come here I want to show you something." I followed Sam out my bedroom door, into the living room out the back sliding glass door. He stood in the middle of the yard, looking at me smiling as if he knew that what he was going to show me was a miracle and would calm my anxious heart. He slowly lifted his hand and pointed to the sky. There was the most beautiful moon I had ever seen and I am sure that I will ever see again. Sam and I stood there silent taking it all in, filling our lungs with the oxygen of the moment. I looked at him and thanked him. Suddenly I was at peace...
Imagine the surprise of my friend, who I had left on hold while I saw to Sam, when I got back on the phone laughing and crying and telling her that my worries had just melted away in my back yard beside my boy.

*From "How High the Moon" by Ella Fitzgerald

Letting go...

2007-06-28T08:46:00.000-07:00

Garden State, one of my all time favorite movies...ever felt like screaming in an infinite abyss..i have

If Jesus can forgive crucifixion surely we can survive and find a resolution*

2007-06-27T07:24:00.000-07:00

"Prince of Burgundy, I pray of you — I beg and humbly supplicate — that you make no more war with the holy kingdom of France. Withdraw your people swiftly from certain places and fortresses of this holy kingdom, and on behalf of the gentle king of France I say he is ready to make peace with you, by his honor."
"Her Letter to Philip the Good, Duke of Burgundy, 17 July 1429; Quicherat V, pp. 126–127

Joan of arc was cool. I am amazed by those people who rise up and stand firmly and passionately on what they believe, against all odds.

I think of Jesus who, nailed to the cross, cried out for God to forgive those who didn't get what they were doing.
God forgive me when I am ignorant and hurt someone and God be with me when suffering seems unbearble and peace has been displaced. I pray that even when I have been hurt that I remember my Lord's words. Its so ironic that the very people who were God's people put the Savior up on that cross. So much pain caused in the name of religion. When religion sets its sites on theology instead of application it misses the wounded on the side of the road, it misses the woman's heart who has just been caught in adultery and it misses the Savior of the world.

God, keep my eyes open so that I may not miss those. Sometimes it seems so much easier to keep them closed.

*From "Wings of Forgiveness" by India Arie

Lady Madonna, children at your feet. Wonder how you manage to make ends meet. *

2007-06-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

I was touched by the love of Jesus when a worn out mother with one too many little arms and legs in her cart asked me if I wanted to go ahead of her in line at Wal-Mart. She was trying to shuffle two active little kids. Her beautiful black face was worn from darkness in her life but was bright from the experiences she had chosen to focus on. Of course I refused, pointing out the fact that she had much more going on in her cart than me. And yet..I felt this wanting to ask ..will you be my friend because I want a friend like you? I smiled all the way home and felt I had seen more character in that precious young mother than I had seen all year.

*From "Lady Madonna" by Paul McCartney

I like to ride my bike, all around, I like to ride my bike, all over town*

2007-06-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

I bought me a bike at WalMart for $53.00! I love it..her name is "Louise." She's a sweet ride. Okay, so she weighs like 40 pounds. She's a good bike and will serve me nicely as I get some exercise and see the country and save on gas in the meantime.

I remember the day I learned to ride a bicycle. I lived in Macclenny, Florida. I can still hear the screams, "keep pedaling, keep pedaling" as the clothes on the clothesline hit me in the face but allowed me clearance without a crash.

Now I have a planner, new sheets and a bike...what more do I need?

From "The Bicycle Song" by Nothin' Special

Lots of judging going on...

2007-06-20T10:43:00.000-07:00

Tried to get this on Youtube so you could hear it but its not there. Download and listen..I love it!!

Why Is Your Heaven So Small?By Susan Werner

Excuse me, sir, what did you say?
You shout so loud it’s hard to tell
You say that I must change my ways
For I am surely bound to hell
Well, I know you’d damn me if you could
But my friend, that’s simply not your call
If God is great and God is good
Why is your heaven so small?
You say you know, you say you’ve read
That Holy Bible up on the shelf
Do you recall when Jesus said‘Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself’
For I know you’d damn me…
With your fists that shake and your eyes that burn
What makes you do these things you do?
I would not be surprised to learn
Someone somewhere excluded you
But my friend, imagine this is you would
A love much mightier than us all
If God is great and God is good
Why is your heaven so small?

And someday in the mist of time*

2007-06-19T10:13:00.000-07:00

First new sheets and now a new planner.

I say new planner as if my old one was utilized. Right now my old planner is my file cabinet for important papers. I've never experienced the art of planning. I felt the need to set this goal in motion when Sam said, "Mom, you procrastinate all the time." My first thought was, hmmm..now that is just mean..but then when the cell phone interrupted my service I was pierced with a thorn of reality. My son has spoken the truth and now I must act. I have several friends who have the Franklin Covey planners but they always looked too complicated and way too many tabs. From tasks to do, to goals for the next twelve years. But I found the perfect one to start with yesterday at Office Depot. It was my first time in Office Depot in a long time. Its kinda like Mr. Gattis (This is a place like Chuckie Cheese) in that it represents a place where I spent alot of quarters on my kids one being for the hit the alligator on the head before he disapppears the other being paying my life savings for a calculator and other school supplies. Well, I found the perfect planner that is simple and I am so proud of it. I have been carrying it around the Library showing people and they don't seem as excited as me..hmm..

Have a wonderful day and call me we could have lunch and I can write it in my new planner.

*From "Old and Wise" by The Alan Parsons Project

Now I lay me down to sleep..

2007-06-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

I got new sheets and life just seems wonderful...is that weird?

Tell me why, oh tell me why*

2007-06-13T15:23:00.000-07:00

Question: Five people die when a bridge collapses, did God take them for a reason or did they just die because of the weakness in the structure of the bridge?

*From "Tell Me Why" by Genesis

Throughout the hours of the night, though there had been few to hear it, the whole sky had been loud with the singing of these constellations.*

2007-06-05T10:06:00.000-07:00

Listening to Indie music and reading Thornton Wilder....simply lovely.

I am on vacation and its nice.

*From "The Bridge of San Luis Rey" by Thornton Wilder

You get a line, I'll get a pole*

2007-05-30T07:14:00.000-07:00

I have never been fishing but I like the notion of it. I sat in my car at the park the other night and watched an old black man perched on his lawn chair holding his fishing pole like an old friend. Although my windows were rolled up it just seemed as though there was a quiet about him. It was as though this was his drug, his "antidepressant" to quiet his soul. I wanted to go sit beside him and soak it up..that stillness...that sureness that this is exactly where I choose to be and want to be right now. I think next time I will go up and sit beside him...

When we would get the Dallas Morning News I would always go to the Life section and read who those important VIPs would invite to their dream dinner if they could ask anyone.
So..I was thinking about if I would go fishing, and I could invite anyone to go fishing with me, who would it be?

Of course I would invite the greatest fisherman of all. I think I should also like to invite Dr. Seuss. This man had a knack with words that could touch and inspire the hearts of young and old. I still cry when I read about the Grinch's heart growing. My friend Kate has reminded me of some great quotes lately. And then of course I would invite Will Ferrell, Mother Theresa, Bill Murray, Sylvia Plath (I want to make sure she's okay.), William Shakespeare, Harriet Tubman, Peter (I should think he and Will will get along famously.), and Mini. (She ironed clothes for my Mom when I was a child and I would sit at the ironing board listening to her for hours.).

Who would you want to take fishing with you?

*From "Boondocks" by Little Big Town

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he today that sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother. ~ William Shakespeare~

2007-05-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know why Memorial Day has never been like a big day for me or my family. I hear everyone planning cookouts and having a great time.

Memorial Day was officially proclaimed on 5 May 1868 by General John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, and was first observed on 30 May 1868, when flowers were placed on the graves of Union and Confederate soldiers at Arlington National Cemetery.

I wonder if they had a big cookout on that day?...

So I'm flipping through the channels and catch the last of a Memorial Day tribute. I watched Mothers wipe their tears away and I put the remote down. I watched wives and brothers and sisters and children wipe their tears away. In this moment of realized ignorance of the absence of a love one lost as recent as last week, I am moved. I am humbled. I am embarrassed.

I want all our women and men home from the war now. I am full of gratitude and apologies to those who has served and are serving and those who have lost or will lose a loved one. It is something to big for me to grasp that someone would die for me like that.

thank you....

School's out for summer*

2007-05-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

Things I'll miss:

"Ms. Mann, am I your best friend?" "Yes Josh, of course you're my best friend." "You are my best friend, Ms. Mann."

Gillian tells me she is going to give ME a present at her birthday party and then falls into my arms.

"Goodbye Ms. Mann, I love you. See ya in the morning." "I love you too Connor."

"Ms. Mann, I like your ring. It looks like an alien spaceship."

"Ms. Mann, you're silly."

"Ms. Mann, you can move to Tennessee with me."

I get a bit long winded when telling them how to treat each other and they respond, "That's enough talk." To which I laugh and say, "Okay guys."

I'll miss using blankets to make tents when thunderstorms come along.

I'll miss a little girl who with her braids going every which way gives me a hug when I see her at lunch.

I'll miss looking out my window watching a worn out mother who looks too young to have three kids walking into school with her little ducks following close behind.(God bless LBJ for fighting for HeadStart.)

I'll miss playground time when I am so honored to be invited into their world of make believe.

I'll miss my kids signing "I love you" to me during lunch.

I'll miss each one jumping up during lunch,when they are suppose to be in their seats, and giving me a back rub or hugging me telling me they love me.

My little class graduated today. We had a ceremony in my classroom filled with proud parents and excited little boys and girls. I only got choked up a couple of times. They chose the songs to do for their program. We did the chicken dance first, then the Three Little Pigs and finally the freeze dance.

It is hard to say goodbye to this class because they filled my heart this year when at times I felt empty. They turned the lights on with their love when things were dark. They rained down on me in the midst of a drought and they warmed me with their blankets of kindness.

Thank you my beautiful class...I will miss you!

*From "School's Out For Summer" by Alice Cooper

2007-05-19T11:23:00.000-07:00

so hard to do this on your own......

no, you're not alone*

2007-05-12T17:25:00.000-07:00

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

I usually don't get into these kind of movies but of course this IS Tolkien.

You know Sam, in Lord of the Rings, just makes me want to be a better person. Don't you just love him?
I want to learn from all that has happened this year and come out of it all a better person. I want to be like Sam. I want to remember the good amidst all the bad and I want to use what I have learned and ,walking with Him, make this a better place for those I come in contact with. I want not to be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.(Romans 12:21)

Tolkien said, "Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens."

And here's to all the Sams in my life who have picked me up and reminded me of this...

*From "You're Not Alone" by Embrace

I just got to say....

2007-05-07T16:06:00.000-07:00

I am so thankful for my friends...I am a bit overwhelmed today with the Divorce being final this week. I spent the day going into offices and getting bills changed into my name and leaving each office in tears. But today I have spent some hours on the phone with my very good friend. This friend has absolutely been there and I was moved to utter a prayer of thanks before we got off the phone. Tonight some other friends will not take no for an answer and are taking me out. These two have sat in my sh... with me and held my hands and I am grateful.

I thank God for the rock He has been and for the people who's hearts he's spoken to and they have listened. Yep, what a mighty God.

I also shaved my legs today and painted my toenails...We are gonna be just fine.

Those of you who have written me lately and commented so sweetly and with such love and support(its silly I guess to be so encouraged and watch hopefully for someone's comment but I have and it has meant so much)..man, its so awesome! Laura G what you wrote to me today was so special and I love you...Janet your two emails this week warmed my heart. Jeremy just being there and your calls and cheri for all that you have done and Jim for you to stop by and show me you were thinking of me will never be forgotten. I love you all and I thank you from my heart..thank you.

There goes my hero*

2007-05-06T16:04:00.000-07:00

He's walked that course everyday. He slings his disc bag full of discs he's found in the creek and jumps in the van to go play.

Sam entered the 3rd Annual Discrazy Shootout in Amarillo this weekend. I asked his Dad if he would take him so they set out on Friday and are leaving Amarillo right now.

Sam texted me yesterday and said, "I'm in First. Don't call." I was so excited first, Sam was in first place and second, Sam is not suppose to have his cell phone on but sneaked and texted me. So precious.

Just talked to Sam and he won First place after all three rounds in his division!!!

Its been a tough one for Sam..not being able to play football ....not making the baseball team...not to mention everything going on a home..so this is great for my boy. He has shown so much courage in these last few months and he has hung in. In so many ways he is my hero.

*From "My Hero" by Foo Fighters

These days I seem to think about how all the changes came about my way and I wonder if I'll see another highway*

2007-05-02T17:49:00.000-07:00

How often do we get to the end of a road? Most roads I go on continue on long after I exit but I have come to the end of this one. I am not saying that it’s a bad thing I’m just saying it’s just a strange feeling.

*From "I've Been Out Walking (These Days) by Jackson Browne

Looking in the eyes of love I can see forever * Alison Krauss

2007-04-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

So Whitney got flowers from someone from the blogoshere yesterday. (Gerber daisies, Whitney's and my favorite flower!) Whitney did an incredibly courageous act on Friday and this friend thought she deserved flowers. I am so grateful to those who have reached out to Whitney and Sam who have never met them or only met them once. You have called and talked to them and you have sent gifts of love. I will never forget this. You see, I wanted so much and prayed that my children would see and feel the body of Christ through all this. I have been disappointed in some who are close to us who have stepped back. I do not judge their hearts for I know, as an elder told me, that they think someone else is taking care of them. It is a lesson to me that I must not hesitate or anticipate but take off the towel from around my waist and wash feet. Then a joy will be felt that can only come from serving someone else. I am learning alot and I'm thankful.
On the card sent to Whitney was written:

"If you're going through hell, keep going" ~Winston Churchill~

I like that.

I sat in the back of church with Whitney today and Sam was a row over. Whitney nudged me to tell me that Sam had just thrown a paper airplane to Joel. I sat there in the middle of this worship and sermon on the body of Christ and thought about these two amazing kids and what they have fought through these last few months..and thanks to those of you who had the courage and love to reach out to them. I will never forget it.

*From "Looking in The Eyes of Love" by Alison Krauss

I didn't mean for you to get hurt *

2007-04-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

Whitney felt really bad. You know life just keeps getting funnier.... So...I am getting ready and the guy on the radio says, "Fifth caller wins Gwen Stefani tickets." Well, a good friend of mine bought Whitney two tickets to this show and she could only pick one friend. This was very hard for my Whitney because she doesn't want to leave anyone out. So I call the radio station..."You are the 4th caller please try again." I try again, "What's your name?" the DJ asks me..then he says, "Beverly you have just won two tickets to see Gwen Stefani!" I ran into Whit's room where she was still sound asleep and told her I won the tickets and she could take two more friends! So I am running back out of the room to get ready when the bottom of my foot finds a broken ceramic mug. Ow! Ow! Ow! So I put bandaids on it and head to work to see the school nurse to see if she thinks I need stitches. She cleaned it out and said she didn't think so. Then she told a teacher of 22 students to put my foot up that day. Oh yeah right! The kids were somewhat understanding and it does seem better today.

*From "Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani

"Fish, you are going to have to die anyway. Do you have to kill me too?"..Old Man and The Sea

2007-04-24T15:19:00.000-07:00

Okay...So, I watch Old Man and The Sea and get all inspired as I have read and now watch this old fisherman fight against all odds. So I go out and buy me a beta fish and name him "Santiago." I take him home and smile and feel the power of the moment as I drop Santiago in his new fish bowl. I seriously think I was humming the Rocky theme to myself. Well, Santiago died yesterday of I don't know natural causes or...Whitney said she saw our cat drinking out of his bowl...?

When I came home the fish was floating at the bottom. I always thought that dead fish float on the top I mean that's what I always saw when we went dynamite fishing?

I came home and Whitney walked in and said, "Mom, I think your fish is dead." I say, "I know."

Anyways, no more fish for me...

peace, perfect peace....

2007-04-23T14:21:00.000-07:00

hard day...could use some peace...

2007-04-23T05:42:00.000-07:00

Our theme this week is bugs. You know as I study bugs, which I try to avoid at all costs any other time, I am amazed at what order their colonies and little worlds are in. It is all set up in such an amazing way. We are advised to observe the ant (oh sluggard) and I have been so intrigued with it all. So..when you see a bug today think of Ms. Mann's class! and...if you have any bits of bug trivia to share..lay it on me and I will pass it on to my little inquiring minds.

Ciao Limbo...

2007-04-20T18:51:00.000-07:00

" VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - The Roman Catholic Church has effectively buried the concept of limbo..."

Does anyone know what postal zip code we're supposed to use for letters we were sending to Limbo?

And are we still doing purgatory???

I hate guns..

2007-04-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

Some would tell me that what happened yesterday had nothing to do with guns..maybe not but I know that guy couldn't have killed 33 people with a baseball bat or a metal rod.
Am I extreme in my pacifism?...yep, guess so.

My prayers go out to all those touched by such hate.

Saying laughing and crying you know it's the same release*

2007-04-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either."

Golda Meir

Don't miss either one of these experiences...

*From "People's Parties" by Joni Mitchell

2007-04-10T14:25:00.000-07:00

these are the things i just don't get...

how can a father sit and tell his son and daughter that he's moving away for 7 months to have time to pray and journal?....this i do not get...and why do you have to move 2000 miles away to think about things..

my babies are amazing and i would have some big trouble not seeing them for a few days...

i signed on to be a parent...am i wrong to think that these babies come before me...isn't that what its about..?

so easy to say you would take a bullet for your kid or walk out into traffic to save them but not so easy to walk them through divorce....its just been so hard on him....he says...

very sad..very sad...very sad...

2007-04-09T04:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday....Simply a lovely day spent with friends and family. Just feeling so blessed right now.

There's no rest for the running man*

2007-04-04T20:10:00.000-07:00

Yeah..it was a beautiful night for a late night 2 mile run. I looked at the star filled sky as I listened to Black Eyed Peas, Snow Patrol, B 52's, Sheryl Crow and Imogen Heap. It was a bit tough as I haven't ran lately but it felt good..always does. I kept chanting my montra..(thanks Nike) "Just do it....Just do it...Just do it." It really is the truth...about most things. I have had to push myself a bit these last few months but I know that through it all my God (yep, He's mine) has strengthened me and taught me so much. I pray that for those of you who have been reading my blog that well, you haven't grown tired of hearing about what's been going on. I have gained such strength from your comments.
Well, I have to go fold clothes..."Just do it...Just do it...Just do it.."

*From "Running Man" by Al Stewart (Yep Cole, Al Stewart!)

2007-03-31T14:17:00.000-07:00

Jett came home wet, smelly and tired!!! We are so thankful..thank you for your prayers!

Jett is missing....

2007-03-31T08:32:00.000-07:00

My family covets your prayers. Our Jett is missing. This dog is very important to my family and has loved us through alot. He sleeps with Sam every night and welcomes Whitney home everyday. He is a constant joy and comfort to all of us and he has been missing since yesterday.

Please pray...

The ocean, the ocean washes my feet. Splashes the soul of my shoes.*

2007-03-28T11:30:00.000-07:00

So my friend called me yesterday and said she was flying me to Florida for two days in June to meet up with one of my old roomates.

There's something about the ocean that calms my spirit. There's something about the ocean that reminds me there's something so much bigger than me that cares for me. I love the mountains and I love the desert but the ocean is where I most want to be when all seems overwhelming.

I am so excited and so humbled that someone would do this for me. A friend of mine told me that I just might be surprised who the church ends up being as I walk through what I have these last few months and he's right.....thanks Cheri!

From "The Ocean" by U2

Maybe We Can Leave This Much Behind*

2007-03-26T17:25:00.000-07:00

There's a girl that works at Sonic..

There's a girl that works at Sonic that smiled at me and called me "sweetheart."
I replied to her sweet words with surprise, "You called me sweetheart?"
She looks at me over her tray of ketchup and sundries, "Yes, I did I can just tell you are a sweetheart."..."I know people."

Dang, why isn't she a CEO somewhere?

I'm sick of wordy people and am charmed and warmed by sweet words from a girl who works at sonic.

So, some are puffed up by there great knowledge of the Bible and puffed up with their exogesus of scripture..I challenge them to spend some time at the feet of this girl walking around Sonic passing out ketchup and sundries and calling others "sweetheart."

peace.

*From "Till It Shines" by Bob Seger

You get a line and I'll get a pole, We'll go fishin in the crawdad hole, Honey, Baby mine*

2007-03-21T19:31:00.000-07:00

Gracie....this is a crawdad! They eat them in cajun country around Louisiana and Mississippi.

*From "Crawdad Song" by who knows...

2007-03-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

So one of my students brought a blank paper up to my rocking chair and said, "Read this!" I began to make up something as I read and then he said, "No, you have it upside down." So, I turned the blank paper over and began to think of something to say. "The man who holds this paper is Josh and he is a great man. Listen to all that he has to say." Josh looked at me, smiled, took the paper and walked off.

Sometimes it seems that there is so much more there than is visible to us. Lord help me to see with your eyes the words of those written and hidden in broken hearts.

peace.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:13

2007-03-17T10:59:00.000-07:00

Wait..Love is greater than faith and hope...why do you think he took the time to make that so explicit?

I love each one of you and thank you for what you have meant to me these last few months...

I was thinking that maybe I'd get a maid*

2007-03-15T08:03:00.001-07:00

If you have someone who comes and cleans your house please pause for a second and be thankful. That must be the coolest.
I had big plans for my Spring Break. I had big plans to clean and organize and get so much done but alas all I have been doing is chauffering these precious boys around with nights of boys sleeping all over couchs and chairs. I love having them here, not complaining, just would love some time or energy to get something done. My favorite Spring Break memory so far is sitting in my living room watching old Twilight Zone episodes and busting a gut laughing with the boys at the over acting and plot lines. So fun.
They say you don't know you are burnout till you stop. This is my first break and I do have a few balls in the air but man, I am just spent. I am praying that I just go easy on my goals for the Spring Break and cherish each moment even if its not spent the way I thought it would.
and ...if you want to send your maid over here (this one will definately get you in the pearly gates) send em over!

*From "A Man Needs A Maid" by Neil Young ...or "A Woman Needs A Maid" rerecorded by Beverly

2007-03-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

Anybody know the name of a good priest...?...I gave up Diet Coke for Lent and I just drank one...