The Walk: Ladies and Gentleman....I give you Mitch Hedberg...

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Ladies and Gentleman....I give you Mitch Hedberg...

I was in a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, so every bite was a surprise as to how much cheese I had applied to each cracker. That's why I believe they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too.
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I like cinnamon rolls. That's why I wish they made, like, a cinnamon roll incense. 'Cause I don't always have time to make a pan. Perhaps I'd rather light a stick, and have my roommates wake up with false hopes.
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I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.
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I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 AM and there was a sign that said, "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 AM and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, "Hey, I was here at 3 AM and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology. This shirt would be half done!"
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I got a lamp in my hotel room and it has a 3-way lightbulb in it. If you don't know a lightbulb is a 3-way lightbulb, it messes with your head, because you go to turn it off and it just gets brighter. Like "Man, lightbulb, that's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do." And then you turn it again and it gets brighter once more. "I will break you."
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Mitch Hedberg died a tragic death and it really bummed me out. I loved listening to him on Comedy Central.
Got any quotes from your favorite comedians..or even Mitch Hedburg?...

8 comment(s):

all i need is this lamp

By Clint, at 11:52 AM

I'm a Steven Wright fan...

"I invented the cordless extension cord."

"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."

"I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious."

"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

"I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy."

"I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically."

"Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums."

By Frustrated Writer, at 12:10 PM

You like Hedberg??? ME TOO!

My fave, and I'm going from memory here, is something about never waving to people because they might be missing a hand, and they'll think you're bragging.

By Scott, at 12:25 PM

I totally want one of those glow in the dark cans of cheese!!!

By Ava, at 1:15 PM

sage...done, buddy...thanks for making your need known..I have read his comments on your blog so, glad he'll be my friend now too!!
Take it easy..try not to worry..but you will...its hard to watch our loved ones journey through hard times..

By Beverly, at 4:53 PM

Hey,

I'll be in town next week for Kadesh. Think there's anyone around who might enjoy a having a cup o'coffee with the ol' Greek philosopher? (I'm actually 26 and of Irish descent, but that's immaterial) I'm definitely going to make some time for the frustrated writer so I just thought I'd at least try to see other Abilinian blogging buddies who might be around.

By Demosthenes, at 6:27 AM

Yes....Demo....my email...bnicemann@hotmail.com..we can exchange phone numbers!!!! It will be great to meet you!!

By Beverly, at 6:51 AM

clint..hahah

I love LAMP
Brick Tamland: I love... carpet.
[pause]
Brick Tamland: I love... desk.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp! I love lamp.

frustrated...hmmm..never heard of him...very funny!!

scott....that's funny!

ava..you get the first one!!

discom..good..girl..glad I could make you laugh!!

By Beverly, at 2:03 AM