Once you tell somebody the way that you feel,
You can feel it beginning to ease,
I guess its true what they say,
about the squeaky wheel,
always getting the grease,*

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I've been thinking about realness...about honesty...about sacrifice and love. I've been thinking about what has happened to me this year. The appearance of all my ducks in a row, has taken from me real life experiences. It robs you of the adventure! Thinking I had to appear to have it all together was a lonely, lonely place. I have sat, in church, these last few months, looking around at all the smiling, dressed up faces. I have been tempted to leave my seat and make my way to the podium, say, "pardon me", to the one who is talking into the microphone...lean down look out at the crowd and say, "How are you doing, really?" Not only would the little rebellious side in me enjoy the squirming of those who had so meticulously planned the happenings of the day, but I would just love to talk about that together. You know people come up and say, "I am not doing well." But, maybe a bit unrealistic to do this. So...I did the next best thing I talked to my small group.
I had just joined this small group. Some I knew but some of them were strangers..(Clint being the strangest) I had talked to Candy and told her I wanted to share what was going on. Well, Candy gets really excited and plans accordingly. Telling Candy meant there was no getting out of it. Telling everyone meant asking for help which I am not comfortable with. Seriously, I would much rather reach down and extend my hand than reach up and extend mine in desperation. Its a risk...but, hey, I have hiked up lots of mountains and the hikes which will forever stay with me are the ones that the sqeamish would avoid. So, that Sunday night at Clint and Alana's house, I , with tears streaming down my face told that small gathering of people that I needed help. Okay, I could take you through everything that has happened but that would be too much fun for me a bit boring for you. Cutting to the chase, it was the best thing I have ever done...I was completely real. I remember all of those people immediately coming over to me and praying for me. I dont know if you have ever had a group of people pray over you with their hands on you..its powerful. I remember the touch of each hand feeling different. Each hand was there for Him. I really loved that moment. Guys, since that night, my life has been different. I have felt His strength through those hands. They have helped me and guided me down some pretty rough terrain. And almost as if I heard Him say, "All you had to do was ask." I remember leaving that night and I looked back because Clint had called out to me, "Hey, Beverly, thanks for making me feel like my life isn't so bad." He was laughing...I looked at this guy sitting in this wheelchair and thought wow, this is going to be a good group. He's a punk and I like him....

....You ever wonder why Candy is always looking at flowers or seeing things in clouds or taking pictures of her dog? Its because she got real awhile back and is so dang excited about everything.



Do you ever feel like you are playing the game because that is what you think you are suppose to do or what others are asking of you?

*From "Shower The People" by James Taylor