The Walk: My hands are small, I know, but they're not yours they are my own*

Saturday, September 16, 2006

My hands are small, I know, but they're not yours they are my own*

Robert is four years old. Robert has been hitting alot lately. Thursday was a day that Robert seemed to hit even more. We had talked to him and done the time out/chill out thing but it just seemed as though nothing was getting through. I am walking my precious little class out to the playground and look back only to see Robert turn around and slug Noah in the stomach. It just takes my breath away. I take him aside and tell him he has lost the privledge to ride trikes at the playground.(His favorite thing to do!) I make him sit out and I just feel really frustrated. I love this kid but man, I hate hitting. The way Robert hits is not just pushing his friend. Robert's hitting is very intentional. Later I go and tell Robert he can get up. He comes up to me and I sit on the grass. I ask Robert how he is. He looks at me. I ask him how things are at home. He says, "Daddy doesn't come home anymore." "Robert" I ask, "Does that make you sad?" He shakes his head. I sit down on the grass and hold out my arms and he falls into them. As the hustle and bustle of the playground happens around us, I hold Robert and he tells me how he is feeling. Yes, I understand now. Robert feels his Dad doesn't want to be with him and this makes him angry...angry enough to just haul off and hit someone.
Next day Robert is brought to me during my planning period because he has hit a friend in Motor Lab. I asked Robert to give me his hands. I hold his hands and tell him that his hands are not for hitting but are made to hold Mrs. Mann's hands. He stands there holding my hand for awhile then makes his way back to the time out chair.
Yesterday was a much better day for Robert.
Pray for Robert....Pray for me as I try to teach Robert not that a circle isn't a square but that no matter what pain is inflicted upon him in life he is to respond in love and this is what will fill his heart with peace. I pray that in some way Robert feels God's love in my classroom. When you feel God's love you can only respond in love..no matter what..

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.: Martin Luther King Jr

Being hit by someone's hands...hurts...

*From "Hands" by Jewel

8 comment(s):

oh beverly. Robert is on my heart. Robert is on my heart. Robert is on my heart.

By Candy, at 6:48 AM

Thanks for the wonderful comment. People like you have been my support for many years. I appreciate the uplift so very much!

-kenzie

By kenzie, at 9:59 AM

Oh... no I havnt heard any of those songs! (forgot to include that)

By kenzie, at 10:00 AM

No one should ever be hit with someone's hands. God bless you for teaching this boy the lesson NOW, so that he doesn't hurt others later.

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall see God." You are making peace.

By Scott, at 12:23 PM

What pain this little boy has gone through! Believing that his daddy dosen't care or want him around is so sad. It continues to amaze me how incredibly profound the pain is to a little 4 year-old heart! These precious souls, have often times, been subjected to so much devestation and heartache. I pray for you and Robert.

By Lauren, at 5:44 AM

That song by jewel is one of my all-time favourites!!!! Your hands are making a difference, Bev...

By gracie, at 7:03 AM

Beverly, I have tears welling as I read this. I am so thankful for your presence in this boy's life. I know that so many times children act out because they don't understand how to deal with their emotions, and I think often of how we have so many expectations for these little ones, but really, they are no different from adults--we,too, lash out whenever we feel overwhelmed and/or angry and often just need someone to talk to. THANK YOU for taking the time to listen and understand Robert--he will have some tools to cope now that he feels loved and comforted and validated. I will pray for him, but I will also say a pray of thanksgiving for you. I am so glad you are there.

By Laurie, at 7:25 AM

It is amazing what we fill our children with. With Robert, the action that causes his pain is obvious. But I know I probably fill my daughter with things too without realizing.

Robert is filled to the top and those emotions needed somewhere to go. Thank God you are there for him. It's so easy for me to see that kind of behavior and simply take "corrective action", the time-outs, the firm discussion, etc.

Thanks for the reminder that often misbehavior is little more than a symptom, an indicator that something needs to come out, often something big. Sometimes corrective action needs to take a back seat to compassion and understanding.

What I don't understand is how you can do this day after day and not go nuts on the father. I would be so full of rage that a man could make a child feel this way and probably not even know it. I have such respect for you.

By Jim V, at 5:48 AM