The Walk: Disappointments..

Friday, March 31, 2006

Disappointments..

Warning...honest blog ahead...proceed with caution..

I am disappointed. I am disappointed in a person that is in my life everyday. One person, that's it..I can deal with all manner of humans but this one person slaps me with disappointment almost everyday. How to deal? I am at a lost. I am tired of this feeling of helplessness. This person hurts or neglects others around me and I guess that is what bugs the life out of me. I seem be going along dealing with my world and just loving the people in my life then boom...the disappointment is cast for the day. Most people would say to talk to this person..been there and done that...some say trust this person...how? I trust and then boom..so I trust again and boom...its good for awhile and then its gone. This person is such an intregral part of my life and that is why I must find a way to deal with it. Maybe I am shallow..but somewhere in my heart I feel I don't deserve this. Some people say to get rid of toxic people that are poisoning your life, but is that what I am to do as a Christian? I am not depressed today, I am just bewildered, frustrated, maybe fearful that this is what my life will be like..I have amazing people in my life and have amazing opportunities placed before me but I just seem to, after the initial disappointment of the day, feel like I am trying to walk through this mire. Like I am trying to walk upright against the strong current of this ocean. So, there is my heart today. Have you ever had to deal with a continual disappointment in someone knowing they would always be in your life? Got any suggestions...okay, "give it to God" is a great one but how do I do that?..just need some specifics..

I just ran into the Dollar Store to get Sam batteries for his CD player.The Dollar Store has really cheap batteries and really real people that frequent that store. The man on the other side of the counter reeked of cigarette smoke,lines drawn around his mouth by the artful placement of his cigarette, his voice was raspy, and his breathing signaled need for placement of oxygen in the near future. I paid him my two dollars and he looked at me and said, "Have a good day, 'preciate ya." I melted. I love people. I think I am going back to tell him thank you.

13 comment(s):

And this person is in your life every day for how long?

By Deb, at 8:43 AM

Man, I wish I had some words of wisdom that would change your situation, but all I can come up with is that annoying command to love. Maybe you just need to tell this person "Have a good day, "preciate ya."

By Candy, at 8:48 AM

bevy,
i love you and think you have the most beautiful heart! i know that you seem overwhelmed with disappointment,and i wish i had some amazing words but um do you know me? no amazing words here. i'm praying for peace for you...have a great weekend. love you!

By Katie, at 9:58 AM

sounds like something Jesus would say about me if he had a blog.

By Clint, at 10:17 AM

Yeah, I think prayer is the main thing. I don't know who this person is or how involved in your life they are. My thoughts vary depending on what role they have in your life. If it is a friendship, I might suggest backing off and not being as good of friends. I don't think the Lord calls us to be friends with everyone, and sometimes it is only for a season. If it is family, then it is more difficult.

I like what Melanie had to say about trust. I'll be praying for you, and I hope things get better.

By Jeans, at 11:39 AM

Well, I've no advice on this...just empathy. I really identified with the struggle whether to a) bear with the other person and b) protect your own heart. And on any given day, either choice seems the right one.

My grandad (who was really an optimist, notwithstanding the following quote) always used to say, "People stink - some places worse than others."

By Scott, at 12:06 PM

Ditto what Ms Melanie writes! When you in your heart are doing all you can, and God has changed you, and not the other person, forgiveness is not as heavy a weight as it used to be.

You pray that God will work things out with that person, and trust HIM and his mysterious and awesome powers and time to take care of the issues that person brings on him/herself. The Eucharist for you will be something you can engage in with God and others in your fellowship circle with confidence and joy.

A lot of times, when others who are difficult and manipulative (and I do not know this person in your life from Adam, but this is a 'scenario'), those of us who have a desire to be perky and pleasing to all things who wear skin and breathe will allow ourselves to get dragged down into the murky undercurrent of disappointment and attitudes they cover us with. That is probably our way of trying to control the atmosphere so that things are positive for everyone in the strike zone. Sometimes, I just walk away but cry privately or inwardly, because I am still learning that manipulative people will always win. I have to remind myself that a victory to them does not define victory to me or prove anything, except that they are usually beyond misery. So it's easier and kinder to let God handle them and their misery.

Walk away, girl, and allow yourself to move forward and grow beyond. It ain't always easy, but it sure builds character! (Don'tcha just hate it when people say that???)

Love ya! :)

By Deb, at 12:11 PM

I don't really have any encouragement and/or words of advice....BUT clint's comment in priceless....only because it's so true. I need to tell my mom that one.

By Lucas, at 3:39 PM

Good words..thank you..this is what I hear..tell this person "preciate ya"..(ugh do I have to).."don't shoot, pray"..that will work..my sweet katie's uplifting words..Clint makes me think (as always)..melanie (welcome melanie)"pray for God to make room in my life to allow for the disappointment"..okay, I can do that...prayer again and yes,alas Jeans, it is family...appreciate scott's empathy and wise words from his grandfather...words of prayer and letting go...good thoughts..blondie reminds me of clint's again which forces me to think again..
I love all you guys...thank you for taking time out of your day to bless my day...have an amazing weekend and i will be praying..:)

Luke 18:1
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

By Beverly, at 5:40 PM

Thanks, Chad, Maybe "What am I doing in Mexico?" just might help..maybe I need a little more sense of humor. Its been great hooking back up with you and Deana..thanks, bro

By Beverly, at 1:31 PM

Hey Beverly, I am getting here late, but I hope things have lifted a bit over the weekend. I know I don't have any profound advice, but I do know that I have struggled tremendously with the line between loving and letting go. I just think you describe the big weight of disappointment really well. I also love the metaphor you use of walking upright against a strong current b/c while I think we can all relate to the strong current on some level, your effort in trying to walk upright is where the blessing lies (at least for all of us--and no doubt for your children). Thanks for the example and for your honesty, Beverly.

By Laurie, at 1:45 PM

Well, Laurie..I just love ya girl. Thanks for the kind words!!

By Beverly, at 8:01 PM

Bev, just want you to know (and I'm REALLY late on this one... but I just stopped by and wanted to drop a line) that I have been where you are... maybe not the same situation but the same feelings with someone with such an integral part of my life. Some days were misery... utter misery. The only thing I know is that if I had not had my faith in God, had I not been carried by such an infinite being I don't want to know where I'd be. Lean on God and He will carry you to a safe place.

By rambouillet, at 10:25 AM