Wednesday, May 30, 2007

You get a line, I'll get a pole*

I have never been fishing but I like the notion of it. I sat in my car at the park the other night and watched an old black man perched on his lawn chair holding his fishing pole like an old friend. Although my windows were rolled up it just seemed as though there was a quiet about him. It was as though this was his drug, his "antidepressant" to quiet his soul. I wanted to go sit beside him and soak it up..that stillness...that sureness that this is exactly where I choose to be and want to be right now. I think next time I will go up and sit beside him...

When we would get the Dallas Morning News I would always go to the Life section and read who those important VIPs would invite to their dream dinner if they could ask anyone.
So..I was thinking about if I would go fishing, and I could invite anyone to go fishing with me, who would it be?

Of course I would invite the greatest fisherman of all. I think I should also like to invite Dr. Seuss. This man had a knack with words that could touch and inspire the hearts of young and old. I still cry when I read about the Grinch's heart growing. My friend Kate has reminded me of some great quotes lately. And then of course I would invite Will Ferrell, Mother Theresa, Bill Murray, Sylvia Plath (I want to make sure she's okay.), William Shakespeare, Harriet Tubman, Peter (I should think he and Will will get along famously.), and Mini. (She ironed clothes for my Mom when I was a child and I would sit at the ironing board listening to her for hours.).

Who would you want to take fishing with you?

*From "Boondocks" by Little Big Town

Monday, May 28, 2007

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he today that sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother. ~ William Shakespeare~

I don't know why Memorial Day has never been like a big day for me or my family. I hear everyone planning cookouts and having a great time.

Memorial Day was officially proclaimed on 5 May 1868 by General John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, and was first observed on 30 May 1868, when flowers were placed on the graves of Union and Confederate soldiers at Arlington National Cemetery.

I wonder if they had a big cookout on that day?...

So I'm flipping through the channels and catch the last of a Memorial Day tribute. I watched Mothers wipe their tears away and I put the remote down. I watched wives and brothers and sisters and children wipe their tears away. In this moment of realized ignorance of the absence of a love one lost as recent as last week, I am moved. I am humbled. I am embarrassed.

I want all our women and men home from the war now. I am full of gratitude and apologies to those who has served and are serving and those who have lost or will lose a loved one. It is something to big for me to grasp that someone would die for me like that.

thank you....

Thursday, May 24, 2007

School's out for summer*

Things I'll miss:

"Ms. Mann, am I your best friend?" "Yes Josh, of course you're my best friend." "You are my best friend, Ms. Mann."

Gillian tells me she is going to give ME a present at her birthday party and then falls into my arms.

"Goodbye Ms. Mann, I love you. See ya in the morning." "I love you too Connor."

"Ms. Mann, I like your ring. It looks like an alien spaceship."

"Ms. Mann, you're silly."

"Ms. Mann, you can move to Tennessee with me."

I get a bit long winded when telling them how to treat each other and they respond, "That's enough talk." To which I laugh and say, "Okay guys."

I'll miss using blankets to make tents when thunderstorms come along.

I'll miss a little girl who with her braids going every which way gives me a hug when I see her at lunch.

I'll miss looking out my window watching a worn out mother who looks too young to have three kids walking into school with her little ducks following close behind.(God bless LBJ for fighting for HeadStart.)

I'll miss playground time when I am so honored to be invited into their world of make believe.

I'll miss my kids signing "I love you" to me during lunch.

I'll miss each one jumping up during lunch,when they are suppose to be in their seats, and giving me a back rub or hugging me telling me they love me.

My little class graduated today. We had a ceremony in my classroom filled with proud parents and excited little boys and girls. I only got choked up a couple of times. They chose the songs to do for their program. We did the chicken dance first, then the Three Little Pigs and finally the freeze dance.

It is hard to say goodbye to this class because they filled my heart this year when at times I felt empty. They turned the lights on with their love when things were dark. They rained down on me in the midst of a drought and they warmed me with their blankets of kindness.

Thank you my beautiful class...I will miss you!

*From "School's Out For Summer" by Alice Cooper

Saturday, May 19, 2007

so hard to do this on your own......

Saturday, May 12, 2007

no, you're not alone*

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

I usually don't get into these kind of movies but of course this IS Tolkien.
You know Sam, in Lord of the Rings, just makes me want to be a better person. Don't you just love him?
I want to learn from all that has happened this year and come out of it all a better person. I want to be like Sam. I want to remember the good amidst all the bad and I want to use what I have learned and ,walking with Him, make this a better place for those I come in contact with. I want not to be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.(Romans 12:21)

Tolkien said, "Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens."

And here's to all the Sams in my life who have picked me up and reminded me of this...

*From "You're Not Alone" by Embrace

Monday, May 07, 2007

I just got to say....

I am so thankful for my friends...I am a bit overwhelmed today with the Divorce being final this week. I spent the day going into offices and getting bills changed into my name and leaving each office in tears. But today I have spent some hours on the phone with my very good friend. This friend has absolutely been there and I was moved to utter a prayer of thanks before we got off the phone. Tonight some other friends will not take no for an answer and are taking me out. These two have sat in my sh... with me and held my hands and I am grateful.

I thank God for the rock He has been and for the people who's hearts he's spoken to and they have listened. Yep, what a mighty God.

I also shaved my legs today and painted my toenails...We are gonna be just fine.

Those of you who have written me lately and commented so sweetly and with such love and support(its silly I guess to be so encouraged and watch hopefully for someone's comment but I have and it has meant so much), its so awesome! Laura G what you wrote to me today was so special and I love you...Janet your two emails this week warmed my heart. Jeremy just being there and your calls and cheri for all that you have done and Jim for you to stop by and show me you were thinking of me will never be forgotten. I love you all and I thank you from my heart..thank you.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

There goes my hero*

He's walked that course everyday. He slings his disc bag full of discs he's found in the creek and jumps in the van to go play.

Sam entered the 3rd Annual Discrazy Shootout in Amarillo this weekend. I asked his Dad if he would take him so they set out on Friday and are leaving Amarillo right now.

Sam texted me yesterday and said, "I'm in First. Don't call." I was so excited first, Sam was in first place and second, Sam is not suppose to have his cell phone on but sneaked and texted me. So precious.

Just talked to Sam and he won First place after all three rounds in his division!!!

Its been a tough one for Sam..not being able to play football ....not making the baseball team...not to mention everything going on a this is great for my boy. He has shown so much courage in these last few months and he has hung in. In so many ways he is my hero.

*From "My Hero" by Foo Fighters

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

These days I seem to think about how all the changes came about my way and I wonder if I'll see another highway*

How often do we get to the end of a road? Most roads I go on continue on long after I exit but I have come to the end of this one. I am not saying that it’s a bad thing I’m just saying it’s just a strange feeling.

*From "I've Been Out Walking (These Days) by Jackson Browne